Power & BDSM

This aspect of the site dives into something you might not expect to see alongside words like
“healing” and “trauma-informed”: BDSM. For those unfamiliar, BDSM stands for Bondage &
Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism – in essence, erotic practices that
play with power, sensation, and restraint. So why are we talking about BDSM here? Because,
perhaps surprisingly, BDSM – when done consciously and consensually – can have powerful
therapeutic and somatic benefits.

Many people only know BDSM from its portrayal in movies or extreme stereotypes, but at its
heart BDSM is about trust, negotiated power exchange, and exploring boundaries. When
approached with care and intention, elements of BDSM can create conditions that are very
conducive to the body-based healing we’ve been discussing. In fact, some trauma survivors or
individuals with a lot of stress in their system find that certain BDSM practices help them release
emotions and reconnect with their bodies in ways nothing else has.

How can BDSM support healing and somatic release? Here are a few key ways:
● Providing a Safe Container to Discharge Stress: A consensual BDSM scene is a
controlled environment. Within that container, one can deliberately activate and then
safely discharge fight/flight responses. For example, the intensity of a flogging or a
wrestling play can raise the heart rate and adrenaline (activating the nervous system),
but because it’s agreed-upon and stops on command, the body can then let that energy
out and come down, often with trembling, crying, or deep exhaustion – akin to releasing
stored fight/flight energy in a safe way. Essentially, it can “finish” a trauma response that
might have been stuck, but now with the person in control of how it ends.
● Experiencing Surrender & Trust: For someone who is used to being in control (often as a
response to past chaos or harm), choosing to surrender to a trusted partner can be
deeply healing. In a BDSM context, surrender might mean being tied up or following
orders from a Dominant partner. Paradoxically, by giving up control in a consensual
scenario, you might finally let your body relax and stop bracing. This can lead to
significant releases – people might shake, sob, or laugh as their body unloads tension.
The experience of “I let go and I was still safe” can rewrite a fearful pattern in the
nervous system. It activates the parasympathetic response (rest/digest) big time – you
often see submissives in a safe scene start taking deep breaths, maybe crying with

relief, or even entering a trance-like calm state once they fully yield.
● **Deep Containment & Grounding: Bondage, the practice of consensually restraining
someone (with ropes, cuffs, etc.), can serve as a powerful grounding tool. Being
wrapped in ropes or held down can provide a literal pressure and boundary around the
body, which the nervous system often interprets as containment and safety (think of how
weighted blankets help anxiety, or how being swaddled calms a baby) . For someone
who feels “all over the place” internally, bondage can create a physical sense of order: “I
can feel where I end, I feel held together.” This can reduce feelings of chaos or
dissociation. Many people report that when they are tied up (again, only when they want
to be), they feel a profound sense of relief, like they can finally stop holding themselves
up. The pressure of the ropes can be calming, and the act of surrendering to them allows
the mind to quiet. Bondage essentially enforces stillness – and in that stillness the body
can really drop into itself.
● Facing Fear & Building Empowerment: Some BDSM play involves consensual fear or
pain (for instance, consensual spanking, or roleplaying a scenario of powerlessness).
When handled respectfully, this can let a person confront old fears in a new way. They
get to be the author of the story this time – they can stop it at any moment, they want it
to happen, and they are supported. This can transform the narrative from “I was
helpless” to “I faced it and I had control.” It’s akin to exposure therapy (a therapeutic
technique where safely re-encountering triggers helps reduce their power). For example,
someone with a history of feeling voiceless might roleplay a scene where they are
“forced” to do something, specifically so they can practice using the safe-word (which
immediately stops the scene) – thus directly practicing having a voice and boundary in a
situation that symbolically mirrors a past violation. This can be very empowering: their
body learns that this time, they get to stop it; they are not truly helpless.
● Physical Sensations Leading to Emotional Release: BDSM often involves intense
sensations – impact (like spanking, flogging), pressure (like bondage or clamps), or other
stimuli. Intense sensation can actually bring someone very present into their body
(preventing dissociation) and also stir up emotions. There’s a term “catharsis” that is
sometimes used for scenes where a person cries or laughs or screams during a BDSM
activity – not from pain, but from the emotions that rise up. For example, a Dominant
might have a submissive kneel and say affirmations while being held in a challenging
pose; the submissive might find themselves crying as they say “I am strong” because it
hits something deep. Or during a spanking, after a certain threshold, a person might
suddenly feel a huge emotional release (anger, then tears, then relief) – sometimes
described as a “bondage cry” or “pain catharsis.” These can be moments where old
emotions that were stuck finally get to move. The body takes the intensity as an
opportunity to purge something (especially when it knows it’s safe to do so).

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In summary, BDSM – in a safe, consensual, and informed context – can support somatic
release by:
● Activating and then discharging nervous system responses in a controlled, safe
container (letting the body ride the wave and come back down)
● Providing embodied experiences of surrender, containment, and trust that counteract the
bodily feelings of trauma (which are often being trapped or unsupported)
● Offering physical sensations that ground a person in their body and the present moment,
helping to interrupt dissociation and numbness
● Facilitating emotional expression and release of buried feelings through the roles and
rituals of power exchange (with caring aftercare to integrate those feelings)

It’s a powerful example of how the body can process experience non-verbally – and how, when
given permission and support, it will often lead the way toward its own healing .

The Therapeutic Power of Bondage
Let’s zoom in on bondage, since it’s one of the more common elements I incorporate in my
filmed content (and also one of the easiest for outsiders to misunderstand). Bondage, meaning
being tied up or restrained, is often simply seen as a kinky activity for pleasure. And yes, it can
be very erotic. But it also has some remarkable calming and focusing effects on the body and
mind when done consensually.

Imagine the sensation of firm, snug ropes around your arms and torso, or a pair of cuffs holding
your wrists together. There’s a weight and pressure to it. If you’ve ever used a weighted blanket
for anxiety or seen how babies calm down when swaddled, you have a clue to what’s
happening. That pressure provides deep tactile input to the body – it “speaks” to the nervous
system in the language of touch, saying “You’re held, you’re safe.” Being physically restrained
by someone you trust in a slow, intentional way can actually activate your parasympathetic
nervous system (the calming system) . Your breathing may deepen, your muscle tone might
drop, even your brain waves can slow down. Some people in rope bondage enter a meditative
state often called “rope space” – they become very relaxed and present.

Crucially, bondage creates clear boundaries. For a trauma survivor who maybe never had good
boundaries or whose body felt chaotic, the feeling of ropes hugging them provides an external
structure. It’s like the body says “Okay, I know where I am now. I’m safe within these bounds.”
This can allow emotions that were held back by fear to finally surface, but in a way that doesn’t
overwhelm. The ropes (or the Dominant’s firm hold) function like a container: the person can cry
or tremble and not feel like they’re “falling apart,” because literally they’re being held together.
Many folks I’ve tied have said things like “I feel like I can finally let go when I’m in ropes,
because I know you’ve got me”. That trust and physical containment is huge.

Bondage also demands presence. If you start to drift off mentally, the very literal tug of a rope on
your skin brings you right back. It’s a very embodied experience – you feel everything more
keenly, from the weave of the rope to your own heartbeat. This heightened bodily awareness
(also called interoception) is actually the opposite of dissociation. It can gently train someone to
tolerate and even enjoy sensations in their body again.

Now, during or after bondage, all sorts of parasympathetic cues might appear: the bound person
might yawn, their stomach might gurgle (common signs of relaxation), or they might even feel
sleepy and peaceful. Alternatively, they might have an emotional breakthrough – maybe the
position or vulnerability makes them confront a feeling they’d buried. As the Dominant (when I’m
in that role), I watch closely for these signs. If I see them starting to tear up or shake, I’ll check in
verbally: “You’re safe, I’m here, you can let it out.” Sometimes that’s all that’s needed for a flood
of tears and then a big calm after. Other times, it’s just a blissed-out relaxation, almost like they
had a deep massage.

One interesting thing about bondage is how it can flip the script on helplessness. In a real
traumatic event, being restrained or unable to escape is terrifying and harmful. In consensual
bondage, being restrained by choice can actually feel liberating. The key difference is consent
and control – the person has the power to say stop at any time. So they’re not truly helpless,
even as they play with the sensation of helplessness. This can be a way of reclaiming control
over past helpless experiences. It’s like telling your body: “See, we can be in this position and it
can be okay this time. We’re rewriting that old story.”

Consent and Intention are Key
I want to emphasize that none of the positive effects of BDSM happen without safety, consent,
and skill. BDSM is not something to jump into carelessly, especially if someone has a trauma
history. The intention behind the play is what determines whether it’s healing or harmful. In my
practice and any therapeutic-like BDSM context, a lot of work is done upfront to establish trust
and communication:
● Negotiation: We talk in detail about what’s okay and not okay, what the person is curious
about, and what their triggers might be. We establish a safe-word (a word that, if said,
immediately ends the scene, no questions asked) and other signals like “yellow” for
“ease up or check in.” This gives the participant an ongoing sense of control.
● Trauma-Informed Approach: If someone has known trauma, we proceed with extra care.
For example, as a Dominant, I would avoid any elements that directly mimic their abuse,
unless they specifically request it as part of their healing process, and even then I’d tread
lightly and probably in collaboration with their therapist. Being trauma-informed also
means I keep an eye on their nervous system responses – if they seem to go numb or
non-responsive (a sign of dissociation), I will pause, possibly untie them or reduce
intensity, and bring them back (maybe through eye contact, verbal reassurance, or a
break).

● Mutual Consent and Enthusiasm: Contrary to what some think, the submissive is not the
only one consenting – the Dominant must consent too, and also be fully invested in
caring for the submissive’s well-being. In a healing-oriented scene, the Dominant (or top)
is essentially a guide or facilitator, not an adversary. My style is very compassionate
Dom. Yes, I might impose limits or intense sensations, but always with a sense of “I’m
right here with you, you’re safe.”
● Aftercare: This is the period after a BDSM scene where both parties come back to
everyday consciousness and take care of each other. This might involve cuddling,
offering water, wrapping the submissive in a blanket, discussing what happened, etc.
Aftercare is crucial. It’s where a lot of the integration happens. If a person released a ton
of emotion, aftercare helps them feel safe about it – they see that I’m not scared or
judgmental of what happened, that I’m proud of them for letting go, and that they’re still
cared for and accepted. This can be deeply reparative emotionally.

I always encourage anyone interested in blending BDSM with healing to go slowly and, if
possible, seek guidance. Some therapists specialize in “kink-aware” counseling and can help
integrate experiences. There are also communities and educators that focus on therapeutic kink
or “consent-focused BDSM.” It’s important that a Dominant who is doing this kind of scene be
aware of trauma signals and not just be in it for their ego. In fact, I’d say a therapeutic
Dominant’s greatest tool is empathy.

In my content, you might see some mild BDSM elements – like me holding someone’s arms
down while massaging them, using a blindfold, or very occasionally using rope or dominance in
verbal form. I always include these elements with consent and purpose. It’s never about
humiliation or harm; it’s about offering a pathway for the person to feel something new and
liberating.

BDSM is absolutely not required for erotic embodiment – it’s just one facet that can be explored
if it resonates with someone. Some participants want nothing to do with power play or kink, and
that’s 100% fine and effective. Others are curious, and if it aligns, we’ll carefully weave it in. The
goal remains the same: supporting the person’s journey toward feeling more free, more at home
in themselves. Whether through gentle massage or through conscious kink, the common thread
is consent, trust, and listening to the body.

In a way, BDSM when done with love and awareness is just another tool – like breathwork or
massage – to speak to the body in a language it understands. Sometimes the language is
gentle touch; other times it might be a restrained hug (rope) or a controlled sting (a slap) that
says “It’s okay, you’re alive, feel this and let it out.” Different tools reach different people.
To anyone for whom this sounds intimidating: don’t worry, we only go here if it truly calls to you.
And if it does intrigue you, know that there is no shame in finding healing or peace through
unconventional means. Many have walked this path and found it transformed them in beautiful
ways. As always, the foundation is consent. Nothing happens without mutual yes. Within that

yes, a whole world of transformational experience is possible – from the softest whisper to the
firmest hold.